The British Club Worldwide




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British Expat Services


All things British for Brits and British Expats everywhere


Now in our 13th year in 78 countries

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Earth straight ahead Captain



Right Ho Ponsonby  - Prepare for Re-Entry


All systems GO Sir


Set course for Wigan Pier


 Activate Diotronic Retrofire Modular Soft Landing Thingie







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Go Home Pommie

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There she is Sir -  dear old Blighty

Prepared for landing

 Jolly good show.

British Food, British Tea, British People, British Humour -  me dear old mum

  Take her down Ponsonby

Easy does it

Don't forget

They drive on the left down there!




No matter where you are on this big brown blue ball in space


The sun never sets on The British Club Worldwide


Welcome  Home


Does me bum look big in this dress?

To Britain

Tea's On

To British Beer


This Way Please

and British Rail









(with ticket


It's been a Hard Days



This   Way To The Loo

Psst!    Hey You - come over here                                                                    Wanna buy a watch?





Hello there sailor  

Roll Up

Roll Up

See the  Hoola Hoola Dancing Girls of Tonga


'arold 'igginbottom and 'is 'airaising 'allucegenic 'oops 


Move Along There>>>>

Latest Scores

Football  Cricket

Rugby PingPong

Canasta Conkers

Keep Going

 It Gets Worse


Down some more



This is NOT a politically correct site.       We couldn't afford it.



The British Club Worldwide


The time is 11.23

The bloody  thing's stopped Bert.

Got a couple of batteries?

Our Guarantee

We promise you nothing but blood sweat and tears, lousy weather reports and no more reruns of Riverdance.

There shall be limited bagpipes, zero folk dancing, the odd trad jazz band and an occasional sweaty reggae.

We support ill nourished British heavyweight boxers, a special relationship with Americans but absolutely no full frontal nudity save that of

Lady Dimplebottom 

of Upper Molesley, page 676, an old 

(but still ravishing) schoolfriend. 

Any questions?

Our club belongs to British people everywhere

A Toast 

To Alistair Sims in 'Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens - who wrote it one dark and stormy night in the Midland Hotel, Manchester. To soggy biscuits, tea and crumpets. To Waterloo, Trafalgar and Dunkirk. To Vera Lynn, Beckham and the Spice Girls. To Alec Guinness and the Lavender Hill Mob. To cricket and rugby and soccer and tiddlywinks.

To Manx Kippers on British Rail. To Liverpool and the Beatles and the Battle of Britain and to What We Want Is Watneys. To Lassies from Lancashire and the latest Test score and the Springboks and Tottenham Hotspur and Whipsnade Zoo and "Kiss Me Quick Under The Pier" and Butlins and Perinporth and Colonel Bloodnock and How Green Was My Valley and to whatever it is that Scotsmen wear under their kilts. 

To a leg of New Zealand Lamb with mint sauce, new potatoes and green peas. To Yorkshire Pudding. Or a good hot Indian Curry. To fish and chips and cockles in vinegar with a good pint of wallop.

To  Kruger Park and Frobisher Bay and Waltzing Matilda and Daisy and a Bicycle Made For Two and double decker buses and the Piccadilly Line and to Derbyshire and Brighton and the Channel Ferry and Knees Up Mrs. Brown and Cowes Week and Mick Jagger and Winston Churchill and Jamaican Farewell and good old Kafoozalem the Harlot of Jerusalem and the Bowmen of Agincourt and Oliver Cromwell and Laurence Olivier and Norman Wisdom and Tommy Cooper and Eric Morecambe and William Shakespeare and Elgar with Gilbert and / or Sullivan.  

And to Princess Diana and Dylan Thomas and Robert Bruce and Beachcomber and Turner and Newcastle Brown Ale and Rowntrees Pastilles and Marks and Sparks and Miss Marples and steak and kidney pudding with chips and mushy peas and Babycham and I'll have a port and lemon dearie please I don't mind if I do.  Ooh Bert you are a one! 

Cheers!   Bottoms Up Alfie..... 

To the Battle of Hastings in 1066.

There'll always be an England.  This happy place. This sceptred isle set in a silver sea. And there'll always be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover,  just you wait and see.

So here's to all things British. To England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. To Australia, Canada, New Zealand, South Africa and to all the other countries of the British Commonwealth. 

To our amazing heritage. To our past and to our future. To Brits, Americans, Anglophiles and good people everywhere. 

Because as you know - there's no place like Home......

Arnold Parkinson, Head Cook and Bottle Washer

Oh Hell




Yellow Cab Driver


Raining in England



How we found you




Then please



Through this portal pass the finest people in the world.

 The British Bulldog, Friends and Allies.




What others say.....






Simply Smashing!

" He's a good lad our Arnie. I just hope he's wearing his clean underpants on the electronic highway in case he gets hit by an electronic charabanc. You can't be too careful these days...."                                              (Me Dear Old Mum)


Our sites are best read with

Microsoft Internet Explorer

Thanks for the cheques Bill.  Yeah right!

See you inside

For Great Britain, British Expats, British Monarchy, British Airways, British Tourism, British Foods,

British Products, British Humour, British Commonwealth, British Pubs, British Beer,


I'm UK.  You're UK.


So let's get together




No don't enter here - up there. Up there to the right a bit.


As the actress said to the bishop